Pac Makes You Fat?
by Ability King KK
Summary: Peach believes a certain yellow ghost gobbler is about to hatch the most diabolical plan in the history of villainy. Of course some of the other Smash Girls think she's just being paranoid...or stupid.


"Hear ye, hear ye! This meeting is now in session!"

"Peach, stop being an idiot and just get on with it," said Samus with a tired look.

The pink princess gave off a pout, not liking how the bounty hunter was such a party pooper. She wished Samus would be a little more enthusiastic on these little get-togethers with the Smash Girls.

"Samus does have a point, Peach. Why exactly did you call for this meeting?" questioned Zelda.

"I am quite curious myself," added Rosalina.

"How long will this meeting take by the way? I can't really leave Pit by himself for too long or he'll get into something he really shouldn't," stated Palutena.

"And I have a yoga class I need to teach soon," explained Wii Fit Trainer.

"Of which most of the participants only joined to watch a barely clothed woman in various sexual poses," muttered Samus.

"What was that, you blonde bimbo?" demanded Wii Fit Trainer with a growl as she glared at the bounty hunter.

"You heard what I said, you barefooted bitch!" exclaimed Samus as she glared right back.

"Lady Samus! Lady Trainer! Please stop this!" exclaimed Lucina, worried that an unnecessary fight would break out.

"I agree," added Rosalina with a frown. "Even my Luma are more well-behaved than this."

Samus and Wii Fit Trainer gave each other one last glare before they turned away from each other.

Once that situation was taken care of, Peach gave off a smile. "Good! Now we can begin with plans on how to deal with the threat to us!"

At this the rest of the girls looked at Peach with confused looks. What threat was Peach going on about?

"Peach, are you alright?" asked Zelda. "As far as we know there is no threat to us. Master Core was destroyed, remember?"

"Not that! I'm talking about him!" exclaimed Peach as she pressed a button. Once pressed, a screen came down from the ceiling and a screenshot of a very familiar yellow ball appeared. "Since his inception Pac-Man has been a threat to women as his sole purpose is to fatten us up!"

The reactions to Peach's claim were as such; Samus and Zelda gave her blank looks, Rosalina and Palutena gave her confused looks, and Lucina and Wii Fit Trainer gave her looks of horror.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" demanded Samus. "Do you know how much of an idiot you sound like?!"

"But it's true! Pac-Man's debut arcade game was made with women in mind and to draw them in it used relatable things like eating! Why else would a game based around eating be geared towards women if not to fatten them up!" explained the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom with a look of fear. "I don't want to be fat!"

"Nor do I!" yelled out Wii Fit Trainer. "As someone who prides herself on being fit, I say we band together to put a stop to Pac-Man's reign of terror!"

"Oh for the love of Miyamoto," muttered the blonde bounty hunter as she facepalmed.

It was then Palutena stood up. "I'm sure there is a more logical explanation to all this, right Zelda?"

"Of course there is," replied the bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom. "There is most likely some misinformation and you came to the wrong conclusion, Peach."

"B-But what if she's right and Pac-Man really is going to fatten us up?!" questioned Lucina, just as afraid as Peach and Wii Fit Trainer. "He needs to be stopped!"

"Not you too, Lucina," said Zelda with a sigh.

"Hey! Do you know how hard it is getting Inigo's attention as it is, what with his womanizing ways and the threat of Grima?! I don't even want to imagine how hard it will be if I'm too fat for him!" shouted Lucina as she gave a teary-eyed glare at the others.

Sweatdropping at Lucina's exclamation, the four sane Smash Girls could just see the aura of fear rolling off the blue-haired girl. They forget that Lucina is technically the youngest of them and, aside from the Grima stuff, is going through basic teenage girl drama.

Zelda stepped forward and place a hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "I'm sure that Inigo isn't that shallow, Lucina. His mother is Olivia after all and I can't see her raising him to be like that."

Lucina tried to wipe the tears away. "I guess you're right."

"Well Peach, it looks like it's just you and the yoga freak that believe in this little conspiracy theory of yours," stated Samus as she crossed her arms under breasts.

Wii Fit Trainer glared at Samus while Peach gave off another pout. "It is not a conspiracy theory, Samus! Pac-Man is really going to fatten us up!"

The bounty hunter let out a sigh of frustration. "Do you have proof, Peach? Have you actually seen of heard him plan to do as such?"

"Well…no…"

"Then it's a conspiracy theory! Besides, for someone who bakes cakes all the time I don't know why you're so damn worried to begin with!"

"Th-That's different!" stuttered Peach, looking away from Samus' gaze.

"How is that different?" asked Palutena. "If I'm correct, your cakes are technically more fattening than Pac-Man's **fruit**."

Peach went stiff at this and Wii Fit Trainer slowly turned towards the princess with a deadpan look.

"He gives out fruit?" questioned the yoga instructor. "While you give out cake?"

"Well…I…that is to say…"

"I'd start running if I were you."

Taking Wii Fit Trainer's advice, Peach made a mad dash out the door with the health nut right on her tail. One could hear Peach's pleas for help and Wii Fit Trainer's yells of anger.

"Well at least that's one crisis adverted!" said Palutena with some cheer.

"Yes. I for one am glad that Peach's plans have been stopped before they even began," added Zelda.

"It is surprising that she could come up with something like that though," stated Rosalina, a thoughtful look of her face.

"Considering that she's an idiot, I don't even want to know how she came up with that idea. I don't even want to know what goes on in that empty head of hers," replied Samus as she rubbed her temples. She just wanted to go back to her room, sleep, and forget all about today.

Lucina glanced towards where Peach and Wii Fit Trainer ran out before looking back towards the others. "Just for clarification, Pac-Man is **not** going to fatten us up?"

"Word to the wise, brat; never listen to anything that comes out of Peach's mouth," explained Samus. "It will only cause you trouble if you do."

The blue-haired princess gave a nod. "Right!"

With that, the remaining Smash Girls left the conference room and headed off in separate directions to spend the rest of the day doing what ever. If they felt like it, they would go check on Peach later to see how much damage Wii Fit Trainer did to her.

All in all, the day ended on a high note for the girls.

**FIN**

**-:-**

**Before anyone asks, I did not put Fem!Robin in this for two reasons. One, Robin is canonically male in both **_**Fire Emblem Awakening **_**and **_**Super Smash Bros. 4**_**. Secondly, ain't no damn way I'm putting the poster child for self-inserts in one of my stories. Screw that noise.**

**Anyway, ever since I watched the Did You Know Gaming? episode on **_**Pac-Man**_** (narrated by Guru Larry who has an amazing voice by the way) I always found it a bit funny that Toru Iwatani created Pac-Man as a way to cater to women so they'd get into gaming, but based the gameplay around eating (I'm surprised feminists haven't complained about **_**Pac-Man**_** being sexist in that regard).**

**And then we got Pac-Man in SSB and this fic came to be. I could see one of the Smash Girls (mainly Peach 'cause she's an idiot) taking all of this the wrong way and try to convince the others that Pac-Man is "evil". Of course she would be outnumbered and Pac-Man lives to see another day.**


End file.
